I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i believe in u and ur pee
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
