Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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