he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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