How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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