You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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