theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
