So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
