she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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