If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize