we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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