Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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