u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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