Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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