Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
