Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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