Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
