You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
