mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
