yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
