There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
