Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
