i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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