we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
