I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
