omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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