Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
