I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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