You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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