My first STD was from a foam party
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
