i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
