When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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