she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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