I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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