Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
