A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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