my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
