Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Couch. On fire.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
