Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize