okay pat passed out under dana's car
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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