that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
