high people should be assigned attendants
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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