Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
