You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
