I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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