What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
