hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
