he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she looked like the before picture.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
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