Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
