Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
