i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
