how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Your cock deserves a montage
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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