Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
