32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
