my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
