The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
