Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
