i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
