i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My hand turned me down
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We're too hungover to prance.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
