he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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