That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
