hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
