Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
