You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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