Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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