how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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