Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize