I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
