If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
