All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
