So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
