I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
