They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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