You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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