Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
