i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
