Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
