great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
