You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you had me at cake vodka
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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