I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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