I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I CAN MOONWALK!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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